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Depression: The untold story of every teenager

By Sheeba Shafiq. Dated: 1/19/2019 10:44:06 PM

"Hey! Get up, get up, you're too young to worry. Children of your age study, make serious decisions, plan their career, think about future and you, you're sitting here with a stupid excuse."
"I am Depressed ".
Depression, a myth, myth in the eyes of some parents today while others say it's suitable for old generation only. To depressions among teenagers, parents in Kashmir often respond with words like: "yi chun shuban, agar lukh wuchen, tim kya wanen?" (it doesn't suit you, what will people say?)
Parents don't notice that something has happened due to which their children experience breakdown. They take it lightly. It's not their fault. But the fault of time, the fault of tough competition, modernism, advancement. When they were at this stage of life there was less competition, modernism was rarely seen, and so far as technology is concerned, they didn't know what it was. They had less knowledge of outside world as compared to present generation. They had less worries because their dreams were limited, and their desires were less. However, ours is not the same case. Time has changed. We dream a lot, we desire a lot, we think a lot, we observe a lot, we feel a lot. Bundle of things strike our mind which may lit a candle of hope but at the same time seem like the demons dancing in our head. We have been provided with uncountable opportunities; as a result we start setting a lot of goals and when a thought of fulfilling those goals hit our mind, we end up with frustration. We have friends who are from rich families, we see them wearing branded clothes and holding costly cellphones in their hands, and this is where our desires start killing our dreams and we start complaining like; "I wish I could be like them, I wish I could wear such clothes, I wish I had that cellphone." These unfulfilled desires affect the mind of youngsters. There are many other things which boost the stress level among them and in turn give birth to this big hormonal disease called depression.
Even though parents don't anticipate the mental agony of depression; I am here to tell you, it's real. If only the parents notice the drastic behavioural changes, they'll get to know the reality. The changes like weight loss, deep observation on little things, laziness, insomnia, hypersomnia, loss of appetite, dark circles, constant headaches, unexplained health problems and many more. All these problems are the sign of this untold disease, Depression. How ironic it is, they say that depression is supposed to occur in old age. Now a question may arise; If it's an old age problem then why don't they find the solution of this so-called old age problem that has consumed the lives of their children? I conclude this by saying that our parents are actually afraid of seeing us in a pitiable state and that's why they go into denial about it.
To all the parents reading this:
Have you ever noticed that your child has started talking more than before? In the midnight, have you ever checked if your child is really sleeping or just pretending? In the morning, have you ever seen the tear marks on their pillows because of them crying all night? Have you ever noticed their silence and that disturbed behavior? No, you haven't. Because it doesn't suit. Isn't it?
"How are you my child?"
" I am fine Dad."
This question is but supposed to be answered like that.
This is not enough. Talk to them for a long time and ask them if they want to say something, then say it out. Make an emotional conversation so that they can pull everything out without any fear of being judged. And once they share their problems, whether genuine or non-genuine, be kind to them, show them your love and sympathize with them. They need you because you are the constant people in their lives who can support them emotionally more than anybody else. Your non-serious attitude forces them to share problems with other people which in turn becomes another reason for their depression. They think they are being judged by their friends and keep sharing same problem with them continuously. What solution can be expected from the friends who are of the same age and are equally depressed.
I believe that the parents act like anti-depressants to our anxiety and chaotic mind. I grew up as a worriless child having no fear of being judged and being questioned for what I do. My parents support me for every little thing and always respect my decisions.
As I grew older, I came to know about the depression stories of many people around me and then I realized I too have a story. I stress too much but can't see others to stress in their lives. My friends find me the best advisor. But who knows I myself may not able to follow those advices I give to other people. Seeing my parents worried about their daughters and many other problems stresses me a lot. Many stressful thoughts reverberate in my mind make noises and during nights haunt me like a nightmare. Sometimes I feel like I am drowning in the ocean of depression and coming out of it is impossible. And sometimes I feel like I can't live with these thoughts while other times I feel death might be easy than living.
At the end of every depressed thought I sympathize myself by remembering this verse from Quran; Allah doesn't burden a soul beyond that it can bear [2:286]. This is my strength. Above all my parents console me when times get hard. Today, as I have shared it openly, I feel a lot has changed. Hence parental encouragement plays a great role in such circumstances. I just wanted to give voice to my thoughts, and I guess I did. I hope this article will be productive for many parents whose children are suffering from depression. I shared my story and now it's your turn. Go ahead and share your story with your parents. May God make everything easy for you and me and for everyone.
(Author is studying BA (Honors), Islamic Studies from Jamia Millia Islamia and lives at Qazigund Islamabad. )