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Jubilation over more noise..!
By Robert Clements
Now that the noise deadline’s been extended by the Mumbai government, so that loudspeakers can be put on till well past midnight, many people are quite excited.

My ground floor neighbour a ninety year old retired government officer who had just returned from hospital after his fourth bypass was trembling with joy and his daughter had a tough time trying to control his excitement, “these last few months have been too peaceful,” he whispered, “my blood pressure has come down, my diabetes has nearly disappeared, all because there is no noise in the night. I have been wondering whether I will ever be able to die and join my beloved wife and mother and father, but now with the deadline lifted, my blood pressure will shoot up, my rheumatism will be back and I am sure my wife is already waiting for me in the skies!”

Fat Mrs Padmaben Shah who lives in the pent house right on top of my building, whose husband is a millionaire and is rumoured to have done business together with billionaires, when he started his trading career was being helped down the steps to the waiting car which would take her to the celebrations in the colony compound: “Our mother is so happy that the ban on timing has been lifted,” gushed her pretty elder daughter as she helped her stout mother down, “she did not want to go on diet and stop eating her rassagulas and gulabjamun, now that she can keep awake, she knows she will lose the extra kilos. She is sending a box of her favourite sweets to the Maharashtra government for being so considerate to her!”

A bus driver and conductor who were sitting in a tea shop nearby had a look of relief on their faces, “our buses will again be empty,” said the conductor, “with the timing ban lifted people will be awake the full night and not go for work the next day. What a relief it will be to see buses, trains and offices empty in the mornings!”

A psychiatrist who didn’t want to be named was over whelmed with joy, “many of my patients are going to benefit with this noise ban going,” he said, “they have been finding it very difficult to adjust from a very noisy, rackety, noise deafening day to absolute silence in the night. It has been very, very traumatic for them to make this kind of adjustment. Now they will surely benefit and my many thanks to the government for thinking of my patients!”

A travel agent was dancing with joy, “people coming to India from abroad for the last few months say that the peace and calm in the nights is very like their own countries, and have asked me for refunds. Now with the noise ban lifted they will once again know it is India!”

My dog who sleeps through the night but pretends he is up guarding the house was jubilant, “I’m glad the government came to my help,” he growled, “now with my ear drums blown out every night, you can’t blame me if I don’t hear a thief or burglar breaking into the house..!’

Like I said, there is a lot of jubilation in Mumbai, to celebrate the noise..!

News Updated at : Friday, September 14, 2012
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